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Trust Your Suspicions Especially in Personal Relationships

There are many self help tips to detect lying based on shifts in the other person’s behavior. But what if a person is a good liar? They look straight into your eyes and tell their story without missing a beat, they are congruent. And what if the person is emotionally close to you like your child, friend, or significant other? Here is where trusting suspicions gets tricky. The more intimate the relationship the more muddled feelings become.

“Instinct is the nose of the mind”. Madame de Girardin

Studies show that lack of eye contact, excessive talking, awkward gesturing, and justifications usually signal dishonesty. Catching these and other subtle signs presupposes one is attentive to extraneous details outside of  the conversation. Usually we are too engrossed to fully notice. However there is a more reliable source, our intuition, as well as a group of feelings that act as informants or “messengers of intuition”.  (A term coined by Gavin de Becker, Author and nationally acclaimed Consultant on Threat Assessment) Anxiety, apprehension, suspicion, and doubt are some of the secret service agents working for our inherent central intelligence center…

Earlier this summer my daughter asked if she could go with her friend to meet her mother for lunch. She works at the hospital a few blocks from our home. I was hesitant because my daughter was grounded from seeing her boyfriend for a week, but my daughter assured me she was going alone and would return in an hour. She went as far as telling me I could call her friend’s mother to confirm her story. Caught between doubt and the desire to trust I reluctantly agreed. But as soon as she left, I felt crazed. My heart started racing and suspicions mounted. I knew I had been duped.  “She’s arranged to meet her boyfriend” I thought. I called to see whether I could catch her off guard. “Something doesn’t feel right. Let Jane’s mom know I will be speaking with her later” I said. “Okay I will” she answered indifferently.

I didn’t have Jane’s mother’s cell phone or I would have called. I hopped into my car and drove halfway to the hospital before I calmed down and turned back. “The truth always comes out” I thought.  The girls returned on time and keeping the conversation light I asked inane questions like what they had to eat. There was a strange sense of certainty that eventually I would find a loophole. And sure enough my daughter’s friend slipped. “My mom decided to feed me like a baby and even Freddie started to laugh” she said. “I mean when we called him and told him” she continued trying to cover up in self defense. “I understand and thank you” I said…

I know lying is a natural part of adolescence and as rude a reality as this is, parents like me learn to wade through the muddy waters.  But what do you do when you feel suspicious about your partner and life as you know it starts going haywire?

“Intuition will tell the thinking mind where to look next.” Jonas Salk

There are times as a psychic and therapist when it is incumbent upon me to blow the whistle and sound the safety alarms on a situation. And most often what I say is met with relief. Affirming unsettling hunches removes the element of shock which seems to make problem solving easier.

Mary asked me about her husband Vic. I closed my eyes and heard, “Vic is hiding a dark secret that he feels very guilty about. His behavior is erratic and I suspect he is using drugs again. Does he drink or use cocaine?” Mary divulged that a large sum of money was missing from their savings account. She also caught Vic with a drink as she unexpectedly walked into his home office. Vic is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. Mary knew he’d fallen off the wagon. It was just hard to face this reality. She also suspected he was using cocaine because his behavior was reminiscent of a violent past…

A single mother named Halle asked me about the prospect of love in her future. “Rather than make a prediction I will ask what you can do to attract new love and if anything is blocking this from happening” I said. “Would you like me to also channel on your former husband?” “Yes, it would be interesting to hear what you get about him. His name is Ron” she replied.

“Ron is underhanded and as I intuit I feel like I am choking. I can barely breathe. I am choking back fear, and anger. I am choking back tears. I am literally gasping for air. This man is a con artist. And with all due respect I am relieved you are no longer with him.”

“This is incredible!” she said. “I lived in New York. My ex-husband owned a boat and we were all at the harbor where the boat was docked. My daughter, who was seven at the time, was sitting on the dock. I was in the water. All of a sudden my daughter yelled, “We have to leave NOW mommy! Before I had time to respond I felt his hands on my neck. My ex-husband grabbed me from behind, dunked and held me under the water. Somehow I got free. He reached for me and tried again. I bit him, and jumped out of the water. My daughter and I left the boat yard immediately. We separated and within months our marriage was dissolved. My daughter and I relocated to the west coast. I don’t know whether he really wanted to kill me but he definitely is a con man.” “Have you seen him again?” “He wanted to see my daughter and came to visit. I foolishly lent him money to come. And the weird thing is that a few days after his visit someone broke into our condominium. The pegs which lock the windows had been removed. Do you think he did this?” “Absolutely” I answered.

“This is a serious situation. I want you to read The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence by Gavin De Becker, which I coincidentally brought with me today. And I strongly urge you to think seriously about changing your phone number and limiting contact with him. I certainly would not allow him to take your daughter anywhere alone, and if you permit further visitation meet in a public place with other people around”.

Halle was very appreciative for my candid assessment. I hope she will become as appreciative of her own suspicions and doubts and protect herself and her daughter…

I welcome your comments and questions. You may post them here or email me at: Stephanie@of2minds.com/ If you want to learn more about me and the services I offer as a Personal Life Coach click on the Services tab in the upper right hand corner of this page http://www.stephaniealt.com/ or visit my website: http://www.of2minds.com/

“Technology is not going to save us. Our computers, our tools, our machines, are not enough. We have to rely on our intuition, our true being”.  Joseph Campbell

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2 Comments

  1. Prostate Cancer Symptoms on the Aug 30, 2010 remarked #

    found your site on del.icio.us today and really liked it.. i bookmarked it and will be back to check it out some more later

  2. Stacey Martelli on the Jan 15, 2011 remarked #

    Great article. Waiting for more.

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