Consciously Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships

How often have you caught yourself making allowances for personally unacceptable behavior because of the nature of the relationship? Most often we find ourselves doing this with a lover or spouse. What about family members and long term friends?

Are you conscious of having different standards for them? When you stop and think about it, do you feel more cautious and inhibited expressing yourself the closer the relationship?  If the answer is “yes” it may be time to reassess whether you want to maintain these compromised criteria?

Choosing to disconnect from certain family members and old friends is usually fraught with emotion. But as we begin to consciously select and create our personal circle the result is very liberating. Remaining attached to someone because they are blood related or have been a part of your life for years in not sufficient reason, especially when the interactions are disappointing and hurtful. Becoming selective cultivates new attitudes and beliefs about relationships. This fosters emotional closure and the quality of living and relating improves.

I recently read an edited passage written by Deepak Chopra about generosity of spirit that is very relevant

“As life unfolds you can only represent your truth, and it will change over time as you evolve. The important thing is not to withhold your truth, whatever it may be. Every time you speak your truth, you are advancing your own evolution; you are showing your trust in truth to prevail. Speaking the truth opens up options.”

What happens when you finally do speak your truth and your words cause a big blow up with your relative or close friend? And after the heat dissipates things still remain conflicted and unchanged? How then does speaking the truth open options?

You have the option to let go and redirect your energy in other places. Holding on and trying to make anyone respond to you in a particular manner is not something you can control no matter what the connection and how hard you try…Though the emotional grip feels stronger because we have been taught to expect more from family and old friends it still takes collaborated effort to maintain a feeling of closeness. When a relationship is mutually meaningful; and this is a requirement, there is open reception for airing whatever is on your mind

Ending a relationship doesn’t necessitate extinguishing all of your feelings although sometimes it takes a sharp shift in emotions like getting angry to detach yourself from being complaisant. There is a lovely essay titled, Are you a Reason, Season, or Lifetime? which addresses relationships from a spiritual perspective. Here is a passage from it I would like to share.

“When someone is in your life for a reason it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.”

One helpful way to gain emotional closure is to honestly answer the following questions.  Are the dynamics in your relationship working regardless of the past history between you? Is there reciprocity in your relationship; both parties mutually taking initiative making contact and plans to spend time together? Are you the one who always tries to maintain the connection? Do you feel included and relevant? Or do you feel like you are being taken for granted? How much energy do you feel is directed your way? This includes receiving phone calls, emails, text messages, letters, and of course visits. . Healthy viable relationships are flexible and resilient…And the investment and level of commitment to the relationship whether it is your lover, friend, or relative reflects this.

If you have questions or comments you’d like to share feel free to post them directly or email me at: Stephanie@of2minds.com If you would like to learn more about the services I offer as a Personal Life Coach click on the Services tab in the upper right hand corner of the page: http://www.stephaniealt.com/  or visit my website: http://www.of2minds.com/

“Thoughts and words are powerful tools. Learn to use them wisely.” Stephanie Rachel Alt, MS

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One Comment

  1. Amy on the Jul 14, 2010 remarked #

    Thank you for such insight into the truth about relationships. Very helpful indeed. Blessings to you. X

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