His Voice Bugged Me. Relevant or Judgmental?

I was speaking with a woman about a relationship she had, that ended bitterly. Now she is leery and nervous about dating again. She confessed that there were little things in the beginning of the relationship, like the tone in his voice, that made her antsy and on edge, distrusting. It wasn’t what he said but how he sounded that caused her to feel ill at ease. Has this ever happened with someone you were getting to know personally? Did you discount and discredit these reactions and get involved anyway? I did…

Years ago I was on the phone with a man I originally made contact with online. …I tried one of those online dating sites and wasn’t so lucky meeting my “soul connection”. I can’t remember what we talked about, probably work, and our children, but I clearly remember shaking my head and thinking as he talked about himself and his life, “Ugh, his voice sounds whiny. It reminds me of an adolescent boy who’s complaining, blaming, and always feeling victimized”.

There were problems with his co-workers, and his former wife and sons. I didn’t meet this man right away. I said I wanted to take my time. I kept putting it off because each time we spoke his voice bugged me.

Eventually his charm drowned out the whine and I succumb to my own rationalizations; the thoughts that said, “You are being too judgmental! How trivial, and nit picky to find fault with a guy just because you don’t like the way he sounds… That’s not fair or very nice.”

These words are “chokers”; words which stifle and suffocate instincts. When we finally met things were peachy for a few weeks. And then his pleasant demeanor faded fast. He became moody, antagonistic, critical and blaming. It was black and white, like night and day. I felt he really needed clinical help. My intuition had repeatedly tried to warn me.

In hindsight I was lucky things ended peacefully. Be nice, fair and a good judge to your self. If you find someone’s voice disturbing, back away politely and say, “I’ve appreciated speaking with you, but I am not interested in pursuing this further.”

In my next blog I will tell you how I walked out of doctor’s office because I didn’t like they way he spoke to me and my son who needed minor surgery, and the outcome was very positive for both of us.

I welcome your questions and comments. Feel free to post them directly in the comment section of this blog or email them to me at: stephanie@of2minds.com  If you would like to learn more about me and the services I offer as a Personal Life Coach click on the Services tab in the upper right hand corner of this page: http://www.stephaniealt.com/You can read more on my website: http://www.of2minds.com/

“Fine-tuning your intuition safeguards your future and opens doors to the extraordinary”.                 Stephanie Rachel Alt,MS

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  1. ookami81 on the Oct 21, 2009 remarked #

    Great post Stephanie. I have always found it beneficial to listen to what a person's voice is telling me, and not just their words.I even try to listen to me own voice when speaking. Because, I find that it tells me a lot about the feelings that I may be having that I may not be conscious of. It takes a trained actor to hide their feelings from showing through, in their voice. But for that we have other aspects of our intuition that will give us the clews we need.
    Keep Going.

  2. Stephanie R. Alt on the Oct 21, 2009 remarked #

    Yes… listening to our own voice is like assuming the third point in Seibukan Jujutsu, or meta position in NLP. We are like ringmasters in a circus developing all aspects of intuition, visual, auditory and kinesthetic. Thank you for your comments and insight. I appreciate this very much.

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